Monday, March 5, 2007

A Spandrel (Look it up)

Have you ever wanted to do something about your life, but every time you try one of the usual formulas, you bang your head against the old "Let go and let..."? CRAP!
A contradiction in terms? Self-help with external assistance?
That's what this is about. Getting a grip, through an informal look at why it's so hard to do just that.
This is not about knocking religion. At least not overtly.
But if you wanted to improve things in your life, does it make any sense to hand over the reins to an invisible, intangible entity and just hope you get to where you want to go?
Wouldn't He have more important matters to attend to?
Okay. I'll admit it.
I am envious. I wish I could just blindly trust that without taking all of the necessary active steps things in my life - I - would change for the better. It's true. I wish I could believe in God. It is probably a much more restful way to live.

Why am I doing this?
Obviously I am still not satisfied with things as they are.
The problem is that I am continually "sabotaging" my own efforts.
I have highly unlikely goals and very little of the self-esteem and wherewithal necessary to reach them.

At the top of my list is the completion of my W.I.P., a novel begun at least a decade ago. But every time I get a little steam going, I come down with some diversion that casts it in a whole new light and I go back to the drawing board to figure out how to make it better (read: more difficult still). Then I get really depressed and become finger-tied for an indefinite period of time that lasts until I reach the bottom. Though I wallow, I'm always in search of the spark that will pull it all together again.

The problem is the subject of my WiP: Being.

I happen to think that I am not an isolated self in need of repair, and that the cognitive and emotional dissonance I share with a great number of people in this world is at the root of much of the angst that drives people to do irrational things in the name of a Higher Being that is supposed to be in charge of all that we turn away from out of fear, doubt, mostly the sense that we don't know enough (everything) about the problem at hand. Because we're not omniscient and our minds are hard-wired to "seek and ye shall find" ad infinitum.

In other words, I may not be against religion per se, but I do think that to depend on it to right our wrongs is not a reasonable way to lead our lives.

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